maplelakeduckslayer wrote:I'd go with a compression fit something or other, keep the lard in as much as possible
Good Call!
After giving it a split second of thought....I'd bet everything on him wearing a compression top.
I've only seen or heard of one man to ever wear one....oddly enough it was Nick M. The guy who I named my first alias after once I got banned under my real name over on the other site. The guy was, and I assume still is, a total dbag. I figured it seemed more authentic naming my aliases after real people I know.
I was a groomsman in Nick's wedding. He married into money, is divorced now....which I only found out after seeing his ex on tinder....hadn't talked to that fukc in years and have no plans to....will probably find something heavy and hard to bludgeon him with if I ever run into him.
Anyways, that **** got fitted before the wedding and had a custom fancy suit tailored for him. He gained so much weight in the month before the wedding that he couldn't fit into his suit. They let his pants out as much as they could and he could barely get in them....had to lay down on a bed and wrestle them up.
He wore a men's compress and I shit you not that it was made by spanx. It was a summer wedding too. It thunder stormed throughout the entire wedding. The fukcer was sweating like a pig the entire time. That spanx shit doesn't breathe and is thick nylon type shit = like wearing an oven
At the dinner the best man gave the greatest speech ever. He and Nick M were pretty testy, and the type of friends that got into an argument every time you hung out with them....it was always chippy....mainly.....well, for the sole reason Nick was a dick. The best man was actually also the cousin of the bride....so he had this asshole marrying in and would have to see him at every famiky Christmas.
I had the best man read his speech to me to "practice" but really it was to make sure he didn't say anything that got chippy or crossed a line....and it didn't....it was a good speech.....but he didn't read the last line, he purposely omitted that one.
Like I said, Nick M was marrying the guy's cousin, he didn't care for him that much as it was, his cousin was a lawyer worth a lot of money....and basically Nick M was his cousin's manchild house-husband. We all knew she could way, way better than settling for that asshole.
So in front of several hundred friends and family the best man read his speech and it went over really well. Not too long, not too short, with enough anecdotes hinting at the wild times they had together living the bachelor life without treading onto stuff that might cross a line with the eighty year olds. He ended it and we all were about to start clapping until realizing he wasn't done yet. After the slight pause he looks at the married couple and then stares down Nick M and goes,
"And hey [bride's name], just don't forget how to turn your dishwasher into a snow blower.............
.........you hand Nick a shovel."
And the best man had the look on his face of a man who finally got to say what had been grinding on and eating at him for a while.
[Mic Drop]
Most people didn't get it since they didn't know the joke that I believe I brought to the group. It became one of our favorites repeated over and over that previous winter. Basically every time a dude got up and left the ice house to piss....It almost became customary to go:
"Hey, do you know how to turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?"
"You hand your wife a shovel."
We'd modify it with fiancee or girlfriend, or start using the real names of each guy's chick we were telling it to.
I love sexist, racist, or any sort of inappropriate joke really.......and I freaking loved that one. Not offensive enough to get you slapped or punched, but clean enough to tell it in front of mixed company....the perfect joke that wasn't raunchy....but still actually funny and not lame.
Great, great joke.