maplelakeduckslayer wrote:3 showings tomorrow and it goes "live" tomorrow bso hopefully more come in...and an open house on Saturday. Let's hope I can dump this thing early next week
Also had my dad's project manager call me today ask when I was coming to work to give a hand lol
Part of me feels bad that I want literally nothing to do with dealing with people or working at my dad's co. None of them probably know but his co is up for sale
The last 3 weeks my phone hardly rings...I go to bed whenever...wake up when I wake up no alarms usually 5:30-7...reach over to the nightstand grab my laptop open it up and make enough money to live a very good life. Without ever leaving home, dealing with people, driving in traffic, etc.
Id help my dad if it makes life easier on him/get more money for his co etc at my own expense...but never been happier in my life doing what I'm doing. It's a great feeling. Finding true happiness really is the key to life
Mad props dude.....sincerely.....good for you. You figuring out the market to where you can live off it is pretty freaking remarkable and one of the coolest things I've ever seen someone teach themselves. I taught myself how to paint, and you figured out how to not live the rest of your life....the majority of your life....without ever having to be a slave to someone else again, minus the girlfriend at times I imagine....and I mean that in a "women can be demanding in what they put on your honey-do chore list" kind of way.....not some weird sex slave way or some shiz.
My life is still largely a complete and total mess, but at least it's the result of me being confused....downright lost.....trying to figure out what to do.
I haven't drank in over a year, drugs are a once in a while recreational thing over a weekend...seriously, I've flushed a fair amount of drugs in the past year. I don't go looking for it, don't care one way or the other if it's around, would prefer it not being around.....but when you're out fishing with your brother and he pulls out a crank pipe and starts ripping it?
I'm only human.....one of those things that after doing it, it's impossible to not do it when someone does it right in front of you. On my own, and when around the majority of the people in my life? Never something I think about......
.....so in the past year I've been 100% sober and high on life....29 out of 30 days in each month averaged out. About twelve days, or six weekends sounds right....maybe rounded down by a weekend or two.....but it hasn't been much, often, or for any prolonged period of time. I don't keep anything on me, since none of it is mine...I tell people I don't want any left behind.....anything that does gets flushed or chucked in the lake. You wouldn't think people leaving drugs you didn't pay for wouldn't be a thing, but you've never met my brothers.
I can tell you right now that hypothetically? If you did speed for six weekends throughout the year it'd be amazing for your health. This shit even cleans out my pores....it's amazing....all the grease and dirt that builds up and causes bad skin? One day after doing speed if you gently squeeze your skin all that shit comes out as a white goo....and out from deep, and then your skin looks great for the next month or two. It makes a world of difference if you've got skin that's a bit oily.
I guarantee if you did it six weekends a year....you would be much healthier physically, cleans out so much shit all throughout your entire system.....cardiovascular, lymph, intestinal, the shit is amazing.
But also a pain in the ass to acquire often to a degree you most likely literally can't imagine, exposes you to the subterranean part of society that as a tourist....I find fascinating....makes you understand a lot of different things on a lot of different levels, and reminds you that even if you're like me and think you're life is a mess.....
.....you walk away feeling pretty good about yourself.
I wish I knew where I wanted to end up, and I wish I knew if I want to try to start a family and live that life.....and I wish I was in a better position to figure it out, and about 4-5 years younger.
I feel like I've made a lot of progress in the last year getting sober.....my version of sober that will work for me. I.E. scratching the itch occasionally for a weekend doesn't effect my life....it might have it's positives, but it also might have some drawbacks.....so neutral is a fair take. The Monday after a weekend of partying can suck....feel pretty tired and a little out of it....Tuesday you're still dragging.....by Wednesday an extra cup of coffee in the morning will have you right as rain.
I honestly don't know if (as an adult) I've ever felt as good physically as I do right now. I wake up and feel great every day......and by great.....I don't remember the last time I pulled a muscle, had nagging soreness, had anything at all be there as an annoyance when I woke up. I haven't even cut myself with a knife while being careless, hit any of my fingers while building or fukcing around on dumb shit......
I'm pretty sure the last time I took Tylenol/Ibuprofen/Advil/etc. was a year ago when I got my assed kicked by covid/Delta.
I wake up early, hop out of bed, can move freely at will....all the time.....I have a lot of energy, am in shape, have no ailments.....
So I'm like Forrest Gump after he breaks off his magic shoes.
There isn't any hike or chore i look at and talk myself out of because I don't feel up to it. I look around at other people and it scares me......how that many people can be lazy enough to let their bodies go to shit to where walking across a parking lot or shoveling the walk to their door would be like me having to run five miles.....drop of the hat, no stretching, I'm in good shape and do some light jogging.....so if I had to run five miles unexpectedly? I could absolutely do it.
Would I want to?
Fugggggg No!
But like 90% of the population it seems......their body is their prison. In order to travel through the woods to a deerstand they purchase a phag-wheeler......a lot of fukcers are at risk of cardiopulmonary arrest if forced to walk a quarter mile through the woods.
So I'm extremely thankful I feel awesome physically.
I'm well liked in my community.....I can't buy groceries without having 2-3 people/couples go out of their way to come and say "Hi" to me.....because I'm fukcing awesome. The town I live and work in loves me. I moved to Winona/Rochester for the past two weeks.....and numerous little old ladies hugged me and starting crying when saying their goodbye my last day in town. I go to church every Sunday.....I am greeted like a rock star at every bar/restaurant I walk into.....life is good
It's slim pickings for women....at least in terms of potential long-term, possibly being the mother of your children types, and I felt a little sheepish moving back so soon but I met a good chick......definitely not going to find anything better if I want to get married and have a family, not sure if I want that, but we're going to play things out over the next year semi-long distance since she lives in Rochester and works at Mayo.....but we both need a year realistically to get our shit together where me moving down there would make sense, start off on the proper footing, not drag lingering shit from our pasts into our shared new present, and a year gives us the time needed to have it feel comfortable....not freak people out......and I was this close [index finger next to thumb] from saying "fuggit" and moving in with her and her 9yo daughter when she offered.
What a relief she didn't push me on because Holy fukc.....I met her the Thursday before last.....marched on bumble and she drove 3.5 hours to come meet me and stay at my place....sight unseen.....saw her for the first time as she got out of her car in my driveway.
But if you want to meet someone.....that's the way to do it.....spent the entire week together. Told each other anything and everything.....nothing was off limits.....went over each other's finances......and we both think we can get our shit together in a year to where fully starting a life together and making babies is something we both want.
What I've realized is that I don't need much.....but I need something....someone.....out there who cares about me like my mom but who isn't my mom....and can be my date for weddings and reunions.....
So I went from hopelessly lost in not thinking I'd have the opportunities need to give me a chance at the quickly closing window for having a family.....to where I quit both my jobs I liked and was making decent money at to freaking move away to somewhere that dating is a thing you can do.....not enough people/women here....too desolate......and I went from that to finding the one.....now feeling like instead of a wife, kids, and a family as the only thing on my mind......
......I'm going to go chainsaw as much woods, clear cut the fukc out of it, and then torch it....scorched earth.
So.....all in all.....it's been a good year. Sure, I'm in the same exact place as I started.....but in a good way this time.....and despite being in the same place......I'm happy and in a much better place.
PMA = Positive Mental Attitude
You're either a children of God or a cosmic miracle......don't let a slow cashier while in line at the gas station when you're in a hurry affect your mood......or the by anything on the news.....AKA "CCP Subversive Propaganda"
If you worry only about the shit that's right in front of you....seen with your own eyes....your world that you experience?
If you worry about only that and don't worry at all about any shit you experience by seeing it on a screen?
It makes it a lot easier to live a happy and worthwhile existence.