Meds

[Fish Felon]

Got put on meds this past Friday....pushed myself to kill myself but just don't have it in me. As in shotgun barrel in my mouth, safety off, finger on the trigger, telling myself,

"Do It! Do it you fukcing pussy! DO IT!!!"

But after spending a fair amount of time that way over this past week.....felt like if what the doctors say about retraining your brain to be positive that I could retrain my brain to finally push past the brink and kill myself.....but I couldn't. I wish I had it in me but I just don't.....so now I'm going to have to get busy living, since I don't have the option to get busy dying.

January was a weird month. I had the best New Year's of my life.....with the love of my life.....

Two weeks later restraining order after losing my shit and going mental....combination of seasonal depression, breakup I caused and didn't see coming, brain fried on drugs and unable to create any happiness through serotonin/dopamine receptors shut down, but holy shit.....weird month.....the whole town that loved and embraced me kind of mourned watching me flame out.....me and my girl were kind of the Jim & Pam of the small town we're in.....everyone loved seeing us together. Lots and lots of cops....had a welfare check one night at 2:30am after I picked up a zip of crank....scary AF. They ended up being really good to me and one became a very close friend. I never thought I'd be going to lunch with a cop and have him be like, "C'mon man, keep your chin up....please don't put me in a position where I have to put you in jail," because I was losing my shit and couldn't kick speed....

These meds are working though.....first time I've felt this clear of mind and emotionally stable in a looooong time......to where it feels weird, almost totally foreign to me.

[Quack]

Great news man. Hope you stay clean. I enjoy your insight and commentary

I’m kind of a short term optimistic, big picture pessimist. I make a conscious effort to look at things as positively as possible. I think Abe Lincoln said “people are about as happy as they choose to be”

[Drunk_Dynasty]

Glad to hear the meds are helping. Stick with them tho. Also glad to hear you didn’t, ya know…. Blow your head off.


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[Nershi]

Yikes dude! I am glad you didn't off yourself and good to hear you are getting better.

Ever consider alternate medicines? Psychedelics can be good for mental illness/mental health. LSD, Shrooms and Ayahuasca have helped some people I know with addiction and mental illness.

[Fish Felon]

I definitely need to do more psychedelics. I did shrooms a couple weeks ago and it was a good thing.

I've had some concussions....one very severe one, like....very severe. It makes me wonder how much brain damage I have....CTE type shit

[lanyard]

I definitely need to do more psychedelics. I did shrooms a couple weeks ago and it was a good thing.

I've had some concussions....one very severe one, like....very severe. It makes me wonder how much brain damage I have....CTE type shit

Micro-dosing though, not tripping

Take care of yourself. A lot of resources available.

[Nershi]

I definitely need to do more psychedelics. I did shrooms a couple weeks ago and it was a good thing.

I've had some concussions....one very severe one, like....very severe. It makes me wonder how much brain damage I have....CTE type shit

I have a buddy that got mania and now is bipolar and docs say it is from football concussions. I don’t doubt it because he has had many. I was the only
one there for him he went manic and holyphuck it was scary. He is the most funny and fun loving guy I know but meds have changed him. I might just slip him some hippy meds to see if I can’t clear that mind up.

[Nershi]

I definitely need to do more psychedelics. I did shrooms a couple weeks ago and it was a good thing.

I've had some concussions....one very severe one, like....very severe. It makes me wonder how much brain damage I have....CTE type shit

Micro-dosing though, not tripping

Take care of yourself. A lot of resources available.

There are two paths. Wash it out with a heavy dose. A strong mental outlook is important going in. Or microdose. Micro has its place but I think it’s better to blast in to it and try to get out of the tunnel.

[Fish Felon]

I think I'm going the blast it out method. Nershi, did you get my reply? I can never tell if pm replies get sent.

[Fish Felon]

I miss my girl so much....she was the one and I fukced it all up.