Hard Seltzer

[lanyard]

Common is the only reason to listen to KFAN.

[Fish Felon]

Common is the only reason to listen to KFAN.

I heart common.



Good God.....I need to stop drinking.....not just hard seltzer......everything but water......even milk.......

[Fish Felon]

Holy shit......how am I this hungover....scratch that....still drunk?


Good God I need to quit drinking.

[Fish Felon]

JFC.....I need to quit drinking......fukc me

[Fish Felon]

I might be fukcing retarded....

[Fish Felon]

Alcohol is the worst drug....by far. Seriously, doing meth is so much better for you than drinking. It's the greatest sex drug there is....makes you horny as hell and able to fukc like a champ....you can literally pound pussy for hours....as long as she can handle it....and you cum like a geyser. It makes you thin, cut, looked ripped...and younger....it's good for your skin. All those before and after meth pics are total bullshit. Those, if real, are very old.....from back when shit was being cooked stateside using anhydrous.....

We have a morbidly obese buddy, who's also mildly retarded, and at 43 he's a ticking time bomb....going to keel over dead any day from a heart attack. We worry about him dying deer hunting every year. His stand is fifty yards from where we park...no joke...and there for a reason. He can barely make it to it. He'll be sweating profusely, can hardly breathe, bad enough to where you feel the need to ask, "you alright dude?"

He'll party with us and the last time he did I told him he needs to go on a six month speed bender....that it'll save his life.....and it would....doing meth is like being someone that runs ten to fifteen miles a day. I took a physical for life insurance a week after I was on speed for a long weekend, and even at probably my fattest....had a pretty good beer belly at that point since I wasn't doing speed minus two or three party weekends spread out over a year....basically when I went hunting with my bros......anyways, the chick doing the exam asked me if I ran marathons....no joke.....my results came back and I was rated 'Elite Preferred.' My insurance agent said he'd written several thousand life insurance policies over his decades in the business, and he'd never had anyone rated Elite Preferred....the company's highest rating possible....he didn't even think it was possible.....I was the first and only person to ever come back with it he was aware of.....none of his other agent buddies had ever had anyone come back that rating either.


Never have I woken up while on speed and had my first waking thought be, "What the fukc is wrong with me?"

And that's pretty much what takes place every single time I drink.


Drinking fukcing sucks. It sucks so freaking bad.......

[Fish Felon]

One of these days I'm going to wake up after drinking and blow my fukcing head off....I just know it....it's inevitable.

I need lots and lots of serious clinical help but I've tried that before......so it's inevitable.

[Fish Felon]

If I had a gun present....I think I'd do it right now. I thought about hanging myself but that just seems terrible. Why would anyone ever hang themselves or slit their wrists? It'd be so fukcing dumb to end it any other way than simply putting a shotgun barrel in your mouth, make sure it's angled right so it'll take the top/back of your head off and....

BOOM! Lights Out

I know without any doubt that it'll be just like turning off the lights.....just like flipping a switch and it's over. No pain, no thinking, just nothing......blissful nothing....like going to sleep and not having to wake up.....just peaceful blackness like what exists in deep sleep.

I seriously think if I had a 12ga laying around right now I'd do it.....I'm fairly confident. I used to stick a shotgun barrel in my mouth during college quite a bit but I never had the balls to pull the trigger, but then again....maybe it wasn't the lack of balls, maybe it was the presence of hope. I still had dreams of being a happy, productive, and normal person back then......that's no longer the case.

Yeah, there are occasional blissful moments....like being with my gal, but I don't really see it ever going anywhere.....it can't really.....

I honestly think if I had a shotgun I'd end it right now........and I'm not sure if I'm thankful I don't have a shotgun right now or if that's something that's upsetting.......talk about a conundrum............

[Stute Slap]

If I had a gun present....I think I'd do it right now. I thought about hanging myself but that just seems terrible. Why would anyone ever hang themselves or slit their wrists? It'd be so fukcing dumb to end it any other way than simply putting a shotgun barrel in your mouth, make sure it's angled right so it'll take the top/back of your head off and....

BOOM! Lights Out

I know without any doubt that it'll be just like turning off the lights.....just like flipping a switch and it's over. No pain, no thinking, just nothing......blissful nothing....like going to sleep and not having to wake up.....just peaceful blackness like what exists in deep sleep.

I seriously think if I had a 12ga laying around right now I'd do it.....I'm fairly confident. I used to stick a shotgun barrel in my mouth during college quite a bit but I never had the balls to pull the trigger, but then again....maybe it wasn't the lack of balls, maybe it was the presence of hope. I still had dreams of being a happy, productive, and normal person back then......that's no longer the case.

Yeah, there are occasional blissful moments....like being with my gal, but I don't really see it ever going anywhere.....it can't really.....

I honestly think if I had a shotgun I'd end it right now........and I'm not sure if I'm thankful I don't have a shotgun right now or if that's something that's upsetting.......talk about a conundrum............

Pretty much why I quit drinking. Not only did the physical hangover become unbearable, but what is even worse is the "mental hangover". Feelings of guilt, remorse, etc. Not sure where it comes from but here it is. But remember, it's kinda like when Neo grabs that cookie from the Oracle - you start to feel better with time, and at some point you look back and laugh.

[Fish Felon]

I have a 20-pay $100K whole life policy I was going to cash out.....sick of paying $170 a month for it....has a cash value of $4K I wouldn't mind blowing on other shit....still have a $250K 30-year term policy.....am not married, don't have much debt, don't have any assets worth protecting, no loved ones with a future it'd be used to protect.....my parents are the beneficiaries....they're old, don't need any money....have a net worth in the multi-millions.....so I got the form to cash out my whole life policy, but fukc.....if I'm going to kill myself that'd be kind of stupid to cancel the policy just to have four grand to blow when my parents would get $350K, and then I'd have them distribute it to my siblings....getting a check for $30K to $40K after my funeral would probably make me seem like far less of an asshole.....

Fukc, but I don't know.....if I don't kill myself I really don't need the policy and don't want to keep paying for it......I have the form signed and all I need to do is scan it and email it back......decisions, decisions.....

Plus, supposedly I'm going to get millions in the next six to nine month range.....and I kind of want to see if that works out....kind of want to ride things out until that either does or doesn't happen.....

.....but at the same time I really want to die.

Fugggggg


I find it kind of funny/ironic that most people buy life insurance hoping they don't die....they buy it and keep paying the premium out of fear of dying......and the only reason I keep paying my premiums is because I assume at some point in the not-too-distant future I'm going to off myself.

A common misconception is that life insurance doesn't cover suicide, but it does. Well, in MN there is a two year elimination period.....so during the first two years of a life insurance policy suicide isn't covered, but after two years of any policy in MN being in effect? Suicide is most definitely covered.

With all my mental health issues I probably couldn't even get a life insurance policy today if I wanted one. No way.

The two I have were written back when I was happily married, had a good life, thought I'd be starting a family.....had a bright future.......

.....and then they **** destroyed me. They killed me.....not literally, obviously, but they might as well have. I'm going to die as a result of what they did to me....sooner or later.

So I guess I'm thankful I have the life insurance policies I have.....and that they've been in-effect like five and seven years respectively.......so they'll pay out once I blow my head off and there'll be some money for the handful of loved ones I have left that'll help me look like less of an asshole.